Crimson Fist II : Volcane.

[IBBoard]

OK, chapter 4 is up there now as well. Most of the errors seem to be ends of speech, some mixed up words (e.g. where and were) and some overly long sentences that need breaking down. There's the odd capitalisation that I've put in as well - things like Thunder Hammer. It's possibly not strictly capitalised, but it's a name of a 'special item' in 40K, so it tends to get capitalised. You also have various missed capitalisations in things like Crimson Fists. A quick skim over and a run through a spelling and grammar checker might catch some of the problems

I'll see when I can fit chapter 5 in.

[Hulls Raven]

Thanks.

I read over what you'd done and to be honest i can't think of any suggestions basically i read it twice and you've done a much far better job than I did.
Thank You for that.



~Raven.

[IBBoard]

Check some of the bolding, though. I've bolded some areas and put a tooltip on it that gives a couple of options - mainly places where a word doesn't make sense/isn't a valid spelling but I can't tell which word/idea you were aiming for. All you need to do to read the tooltips is hang over the bolding with your cursor. Not all bolding has a tooltip, though, and sometimes I've added the tooltip to the (?) I inserted.

[Hulls Raven]

No worries.
I'll have to do it tomorrow when i get back from work though busy day tomorrow. I do hate working sundays.

But i'll have a another look then. Plus i'll have a lot more time to read through. Plus i've got monday off so i've got plenty of time in that sense lol.

Thanks again IB




~Raven.

[Hulls Raven]

What i've done is copied and pasted it and put it on my laptop so i'll take it to work with me tomorrow and in my spare time i'll read through it thoroughly.


Thanks again.


~Raven.

[IBBoard]

You'll need to have saved the web page and not just copied the text if you want to see the tooltips

[Hulls Raven]

Chapter 6


Pipes and wires covered the ceilings and half of the giant floor, entwined within each other much like that of a Terran snake tears of moistly water ran slowly down the wires like snakes themselves.
The whole place was practically covered over by a blanket of darkness, every crack and orifice loomed giant shadows across the dank floor.
The walls were covered in greasy cog wheels all slowly turning; make a grinding noise, whilst the sparks from the pistons flared up every time they would meet, pumping fuel up then down again spitting out glutinous bits of water.
From the centre of the giant hall three huge pipes ran down deep into the void every few metres they had cog wheels grinding in different directions, much like the inside of a clock, all damp and rusty, spitting out bits of hot lava mixed by oil on its journey upwards.
The void in which they ran straight down took up most of the ground level floor, with wires spilling downwards, and smaller pipes joining the bigger pipes upwards, onto the walls, their dark shadows looming across the floor hiding the pools of clammy water.
The atmosphere was very humidly warm, steam gushed out from every pipe, turning into sticky goo, running out from the three larger powered, pumping pipes.
Hanging from the balcony’s, tied together by the wires, were the dead bodies of the Salamanders, that had first tried to destroy the place.
They had being tied hanging from their feet almost naked, yet embowelled with the remains of the intestines hanging from their stomachs, still dripping blood to the ground.
The faces from these mighty warriors had being removed, from the looks of their cuts proberly while they had being alive.
Narrow bridges ran across to each wall, on every level all the way up the tall hall, some of them had severed heads placed from them on spears welded to the sides of the bridges.
Clenching his sword tightly whilst holding his storm bolter arm out, Syakotus slowly stepped over the entwined wires carefully, followed by Len Ruo, clenching his flamer tightly, with the blue flame dancing of the barrel.
Whilst Cuoson followed up on their rear holding his bolter upwards looking for possible targets from the balcony’s and the thin narrow bridges.
“How the hell does this place tick.â€￾ Asked Len Ruo.
“If I knew the answer to that, then I would be a member of the tech machanicus.â€￾
Syakotus said, taking a closer look at the large metallic pipes within the centre of the void.
Syakotus stood on the edge of the void looking down into the mouth of the volcano, a strong smell of sulphur filled his lungs. “Ok brothers this is the place.â€￾
Cuoson still holding his bolter upwards stepped up to Syakotus, to peer down himself.
“Guess they didn’t notice the explosives the Salamanders packed then.â€￾ He said dropping his guard to take the detonator in his crimson hand.
“Proberly didn’t care; I don’t think they plan on staying here much longer.â€￾ Syakotus said with a slight smile to his face.

Cravex stood gripping the balcony of the bridge looking down with both hands, watching the three Crimson Fists entering the power hall.
Stood at his side was Lexor gripping his chain axe in one hand and his bolt pistol in the other?
His face was pale but not as white as Cravex’s, like Cravex his eyes were like black beads. His long dread locks hung from the back of his head halfway down his spine, and like all the Night Lords his armour was a dark metallic blue with the same patterns of lightening pasted across his legs.
“The attack out of Volcane has begun my Lord.â€￾ He said with a gruff tone.
Cravex un-holstered his plasma pistol, and aimed it down at the three Crimson Fists.
Lexor daringly stepped a little closer. “My Lord there is other news. Several space marine thunder hawks are crossing the skies over Volcane.â€￾
Cravex turned his gaze back at Lexor, who was now stepping back.
“Is this going to be a problem?â€￾
“No my Lord. General Tyslore is leading the troops towards the bridge. I believe the thunder hawks are trying a last ditch rescue attempt.â€￾ Lexor said looking down at the three crimson Fists himself.
“Then we need not concern our self’s with the thunder hawks. Tell General Tyslore to cross the bridge and start the invasion of the next city, and that I will meet him there to take command. For now I have some unfinished business to take care of first.â€￾
“Yes of coarse my Lord.â€￾ Lexor said walking off from the bridge.
Whilst Cravex took his aim back at the three Crimson Fists below.

A plasma blast from above blasted its way through Cuoson’s back bursting one of his two hearts before shooting out of his chest.
Cuoson dropped to his knees letting his bolter clang across the floor before sliding off down the void.
Syakotus spun around, aiming his Crimson Fist upwards, whilst clenching his palm trigger, letting out a full burst of auto fire at the bridge above.
Len Ruo rushed to aide Cuoson, helping him remove his dark blue helmet.
A second plasma blast screeched downwards at them, again slicing its way through Cuoson’s leg “AAAAArrr.â€￾ He bellowed from the impact.
Syakotus ran for cover behind on of the larger pipes, still firing his wrist mounted storm bolter upwards in the direction of Cravex.
A third plasma blast smashed through Cuoson’s stomach, forcing him to roll onto his back in spasm’s of pain, his short black hair covered in his clotted blood, from being spat out once it had filled in his mouth.
His face was covered in sweat and blood gushing from his nostrils, inside his chest he could feel his body slowing down, pumping blood from his three wounds, yet he kept his Left fist clenched around the detonator Vexe had given him.
“Len Ruo get to the stairs, flame the bastards coming down.â€￾ Syakotus bellowed over the gun fire, ricocheting across the hall.
“What about Cuoson? He’s wounded badly Captain.â€￾
“You have your orders, I’ll see to Cuoson.â€￾
Len Ruo rose to his feet igniting his flamer, and charged towards the metallic stairs, once he’d seen the amount of chaos preachers and cultists all armed with shot guns auto pistols clubs with spikes embedded in, and chain swords all racing down the steps at them he understood Syakotus’s orders.
With a large gush of flames from his beloved flamer the first of the worshippers were engulfed in an array of his hot flames.
Syakotus rushed to Cuoson’s side, and knelt by him. “Captain.â€￾ Cuoson groaned spitting out large amounts of blood. “I have failed uurrr.â€￾
Syakotus lifted his head up. “No brother you have not failed, but I will not lie to you your time grows short. We are greatly out numbered.â€￾
Cuoson spat out more blood letting his eyes roll, whilst his body became more floppy with the spasms from the agonising pain of his mortal wounds.
Syakotus raised his head slightly higher as if cradling it in both his blood stained crimson hands. “We can not let this scum be victorious today, and for that reason I regret the next thing I must say, but I have one last order for you brother.â€￾
Spitting out more blood as it filled in his mouth Cuoson regained some control over his eyes. “Say no more Captain. I understand.â€￾
Syakotus dragged him past the continuous ricocheting of the oncoming bullets and las blasts bouncing from the pipes, he helped Cuoson sit upwards. “We don’t have much time.â€￾
Syakotus held Cuoson’s fist by rapping his around it. “You will not be forgotten brother your name will live on within the chapter halls.â€￾
More gunshots bounced around their position in an array of white noise. “Go Captain.â€￾
“All we need is five minutes to try and get clear, try to hold on. But if you cannot brother Cuoson. Do not worry one way or another this city is coming down.â€￾
Syakotus released his grip from Cuoson, and rose to his feet taking one last look at the fallen marines face; he turned and ran through the ricocheting of gun shots bouncing around the hall off the pipes and pumps dancing in wisps whilst steam gushed out from the bullet holes in the larger pipes, joining Len Ruo at the bottom of the steps.

Cravex watched the two Crimson Fists charge their way up the stairs, a smile of victory fell upon his face, thinking he’d killed the third.
Aiming his plasma pistol at both of them, flexing his armoured fingers around its golden handle, he fired shot after shot watching them duck down behind the rails whilst each plasma blast missed them both by mere inches.
He watched whilst the one carrying the sword sliced his way through his followers, thinking to himself that this warrior was indeed a mighty opponent, by his decorated markings he was indeed a Captain.

Cultist after cultist jumped up in front of Syakotus, trying hard to kill him, but the lack of armour was against them.
Syakotus stopped half way up the stairs, aiming his wrist mounted storm bolter at the remaining followers of the dark gods approach, the front strands of his long hair danced about his face clinging to the sweat upon his forehead, with a slight glimmer of light off the new dawn from the opening in the ceiling above he caught a glimpse of Cravex watching.
Turning his gaze back at the lunatic followers, he opened fire with a full burst of bolter fire spraying upwards into each of them slicing through the cursed flesh.
He began charging upwards creating a blood bath on his way up, whilst still watching the Night Lord, now knowing that he would not leave this city until he meets this fore in battle.
The chamber in his storm bolter clicked empty, with the barrels smoking heavily he stopped to disconnect the weapon from his wrist dropping it with a clang that echoed he dropped it down the steps followed by the wire that had being connected to the ammo pack placed on his back.
Now gripping his power sword in both hands, he charge up the remainder of the steps swinging it from left to right, slicing through all that approached him.

A plasma blast shot down from the upper bridge, leading out of the hall, into Len Ruo’s shoulder, knocking his empty flamer from his hands, and forcing him to fall backwards, down the stairs.
Cracking his head on one of the steps, he managed to summersault back over to his feet, regaining his balance, only to find he was surrounded, by dozens of the chaos followers, who were all armed with clubs, axes, auto pistols and large blades.
One of whom lunged forwards plunging a chain sword into his side splitting through the ceramite of his dark blue armour letting the razor blades rev up inside his stomach cracking his ribs.
Falling back with the chain sword stuck in his side, Len Ruo fell backwards into the crowed behind him, and Len Ruo knew that his death was going to be very painful indeed.
Feeling more sharp objects penetrate his armour, followed by a powerful blow, across the back of his bold head, from something heavy proberly a club, he stumbled back from the many hands grabbing him, and pulling him down.
Len Ruo gritting his teeth through the pain of something sharp enter his neck, closing his eyes; all went dark for the last time in his life.

Cravex began climbing the ladder to the roof, from his bridge once he’d seen Syakotus climb up to the far side of his bridge.
“Do not run from me coward.â€￾ Bellowed Syakotus who was now running across the bridge to catch up to him swaying his power sword from side to side.

Cravex climbed up out of the giant hall of the power plant, onto the metallic roof.
The dawn had almost broken through the sky gleaming, down onto the city; from up there the flames of the burning buildings could be seen, followed by the smoke filled clouds, drifting around the city with the grisly winds.
Cravex walked away from the great hole on the ceiling, watching Lexor climb up the tall watch tower, looking over the entire city.
He pulled his demon sword from its scabbard, whilst still gripping the golden
Handle of this plasma pistol, turning to face Syakotus, who had now climbed up and out onto the roof himself.
Cravex squeezed his finger back over the plasma pistols trigger, yet nothing happened. “Damn must be out, oh well I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way.â€￾
Syakotus flexed his fingers around the handle of his power sword. “There is no place for you in the world of mortal men; I will take great pleasure in taking the life from you, betrayer of man kind.â€￾
Cravex lifted his sword out forwards clenching both his hands around the trigger. “Oh please. Do spare the speeches. It is you who will join your false Emperor in the grave.â€￾
Cravex slowly walked forwards towards Syakotus, swinging his demon sword about, as if mocking him, then stopped about several paces from where Syakotus stood.
With a slight grin raised upon his white face. “Prepare to hate me. This night will hurt you like never before.â€￾ He said looking at the moving faces within his demonic blade.
Both men stared into each others eyes for a few moments, and then simultaneously jumped forwards to do battle.
Cravex moved swiftly carrying his demon-sword with a steady ease, he moved with a motion of quickness, making it harder for Syakotus to anticipate his next move, yet still blocking his attacks, with eagerness.
Keeping up the prowess of his power sword matching each attack made by Cravex’s. Advancing stepping back then forward taking a swipe with his blade.
Both men moved across the roof doing battle as if they were dancing, neither making an injury at the other, back and forth they lunged forward, sparks flying from both every time they would cross blades, trying to make a striking cut, yet each keeping up the blocking stance at every attempt.
Cravex swung his demon blade down trying to cut into Syakotus’s skull, Syakotus managed to jump to the right in time for Cravex’s blow to miss by mere inch’s, then following suit, by using the same attack, Cravex moved slightly back with a swift motion to his actions, before bringing his blade about, at Syakotus’s chest, but failing to slice through when Syakotus stepped back, swinging round lashing his power sword up at the face of Cravex, just missing with Cravex tilting himself back, then ducking down letting the chains around his waist clang loudly together, bringing his demon sword across, in a quick reflex to make a lower cut, of which Syakotus anticipated, by leaping the wait of his body back.
Suddenly in a momentarily slip of thought, Syakotus failed to block Cravex, bringing the demon sword across, slicing deep into his left shoulder pad, and cutting deep through his armour into the flesh.
Blood seeped out in a splatter, then slid down the dark blue ceramite of his left arm, colouring it red before clotting, Cravex pulled back his demon sword, from his shoulder only to make another swing, this time at Syakotus’s face, failing to make a new cut, watching Syakotus duck down with his quick reactions, whilst blocking the attack raising his power sword to match the strike at him, gritting his teeth from the pain of his mortal shoulder wound.
Cravex paused slightly in his next strike to see from the expression of pain on Syakotus’s face that he was starting to weaken.
“Your emotional expression fails you, crimson fistâ€￾ Sniggered Cravex, before moving from left to right taunting his opponent, then making a swift and sudden forward lunge stabbing his demon sword into Syakotus’s stomach violently, blood spilled out onto the blade, dripping onto the floor, and across his chest and legs, Cravex thrust the blade forwards again, causing more pain and damage, before retracting it back, letting Syakotus stagger forwards thrust from his balance.
Licking the splashed blood from his lips Cravex took full advantage of Syakotus’s weakened state, he used his full strength to lunge his demon blade into Syakotus’s stomach again, making the wound far more mortal by twisting the blade inside his stomach, then using both his hands he ploughed the demon sword further into Syakotus, the blade merely missed his spine cutting out of his back. “Guurrrrghâ€￾ the captains legs began weakening, pulling the blade out still clutching the handle with both hands, Cravex backed off to watch Syakotus stagger forwards, dropping to his knees, slamming his left hand at the floor tilting his head forwards, spitting the blood that had filled in his mouth out.
Cravex raised his demon blade above his head with both hands. “And now it endsâ€￾ he taunted, bringing his demon sword down to strike Syakotus across the back of his neck.
“I’m not out yetâ€￾ he retorted, rolling over swiftly with all his wait, whilst raising his power sword up straight through Cravex’s chest, with a large splash of dark blood spilling down across him and the ash covered floor, in what Cravex thought would be his killing blow.
The further Cravex had lunged forward using his wait, the further the power sword sliced into him.
At that moment both men gazed into each others eyes, for Syakotus was watching the life drain from Cravex. “You’re over confidence fails you Night Lord.â€￾
“Funn-y.â€￾ Cravex muttered spilling his dark blood from his lips.
“And so believe the pleasure is all mine.â€￾ Syakotus said letting Cravex almost touch him before both men rolled, and collapsed together hard onto the floor, Cravex was dead the moment he slammed into the ash covered floor releasing his demon sword from his grip.
Overcome from his wounds Syakotus slumped over onto his back laid in a pool of his own blood, his wounds were fatal enough to take his life.
Gathering his thoughts, he attempted to move trying to sit upwards, looking at the dead corpse of Cravex, who laid spread on his back with the power sword stuck firmly in his chest.
Syakotus sat up and reached over for his power sword clenching his fingers around the handle, he began yanking it from Cravex.
Once out more of Cravex’s blood spilled across the floor.
Syakotus tried to stand, looking up at the watch tower, he saw another Night Lord watching him.

Lexor stood looking out from behind the smashed glass of the watch tower, his large dread locks swung about his face, from the grisly winds yet his body remained still, in defiance.
The Crimson Fist had slain his lord, making the rest of the Night Lords his to command, and for that he was pleased this warrior had done what he’d being afraid to.
But the Crimson Fist was still his enemy and it would make him weak to his followers if they thought he’d let him live.
Lexor raised his arm, clenching his fingers around the trigger of his bolt pistol.
He pulled the trigger back, watching the first bolt shell thud straight through the Crimson Fists ankle, creating a shower of blood.
Again he fired his bolt pistol, aiming slightly higher, the bolt shell thudded into the Crimson Fists arm, which was clenching the power sword.
Lexor watched the Crimson Fist release his grip, again he took another shot, and this time he aimed for the face.
The bolt shell impacted into the Crimson Fists face, plummeting into his left eye.
The Crimson Fist fell back down on his back.
Lexor stopped firing from the sight of more Crimson Fists climbing out onto the roof.

The first thing Korde saw was Lexor taking pot shots at his fallen Captain, raising his combi up towards the watch tower, gliding his finger over the trigger he let loose a burst of full auto fire.
Judson, Horten, Frieh followed suit fire their bolters upwards, towards the watch tower; the sound became somewhat deafening from the combined bolter fire.
Korde dashed over to Syakotus dropping his combi to the ground. “NOOO.â€￾ He bellowed dropping down to his knees. “Captain…stay with me.â€￾

Lexor ducked down from the continuous blockade of bolter fire, trying to gun him down, by the angered Crimson Fists.
Realising that he was not going to win this battle, he took his over sized power sword from its scabbard, dashing over to the back of the watch tower, he began cutting a hole large enough for him to escape through.

Korde looked up to the sky from the growling sound of the Salamanders thunder hawks, echoing through the skies
The lead thunder hawk started lowering its landing legs, whilst it lowered for landing, blowing the ash from the roof twirling up in the air.
Korde picked up the fallen body of Syakotus in both arms, and began walking towards the thunder hawk. “Captain stay with us it is not your time to go yet.â€￾
He said walking across the roof towards the thunder hawk, which had now landed, with its ramp now lowering for them to board.

The only thing Cuoson could smell was the clotted blood that had filled up in his nostrils.
Whilst he stopped panting out deep breaths, he could feel his innards slow, his once strong arms weakened drastically.
Cuoson felt the weakness spread through his mortally wounded body, like a virus shutting down a computer system, limb by limb, he felt death reap him.
His eyes widened at the face of a Night Lord standing over him, the chaos marine clenched a chain axe in one hand and a bolt pistol in the other, he towered over Cuoson staring through the reds of his helmets eyes, which was moulded like the face of a giant bat, with bats wings sprouting out either side of the helmet.

[Hulls Raven]

Cuoson looked up at the chaos marine, using what strength he had left, he mustered a smile.
The Night Lord bent down, putting his face, straight into Cuoson’s. “What are you smirking at, you have no weapon to defend yourself, and I am going to torture you before death takes you.â€￾
Cuoson smiled “You….are wrong.â€￾ He said revealing the detonator clenched tightly in his hand.
Cuoson spat out the last of the clotted blood that filled up in his mouth, and pressed his thumb over the detonator switch, then collapsed in a heap onto the floor, before rolling over the edge of the void into the mouth off the volcano.
The Night Lord peered over the edge to see the beginning of the explosions from the detonation of the fixed explosives.
The sound of the giant pipes placed over the centre and deep into the volcano’s mouth echoed throughout the giant hall the moment they came crashing down tearing the marble floor apart like shredding through paper, tossing the Night Lord upwards into the air in a ball of flames, along with the other chaos followers in a mass of compulsive explosions, that started spreading throughout the whole complex.
The sound became somewhat deafening, with the fire’s turning into back drafts, shooting down into every corridor, adjacent to the great hall.
With the walls tearing themselves down, the cog wheels began spinning through the hall and flames like flying blades, cutting deep into the pipes creating more explosions from the gas igniting with the open flames.
Tossing debris up and down as if creating its own tornado within.

The ground beneath their feet began ripping apart from the vibrations of the explosions down below, with the roof beginning to cave in on itself.
Frieh stood over the edge looking down at the ball of fire that engulfed the whole power plant below. “I think its time we take our leave of this city.â€￾ He said stepping onto the ramp of the Salamanders thunder hawk, followed by the others.
Korde was the last to step foot on the ramp carrying his Captain.
Once inside the ramp closed up.
Quornas stood from his seat to take the Captain from Kordes hands. “He still breaths.â€￾ Quornas said looking into the saddened eyes of the all Korde’s squad.
Grailin stepped up close to Quornas and gently hovered his hand across Syakotus’s forehead. “His aura is strong I sense the Emperor is with him today.â€￾
The Salamanders Captain Volorie came from the cockpit to greet the Crimson Fists.
Both Quornas and Korde placed Syakotus on the floor of the vibrating thunder hawk, battling for control of the sky, trying to escape the grip of explosive winds it had being caught up in.
“So this is your Captain.â€￾ Volorie asked in his deep tone.
“It is.â€￾ Korde answered wiping the sut from his face.
“Then I’m honoured to meet him, if we survive this rain of explosions we will get him to your apothecary’s.â€￾

The thunder hawks managed to escape the grip from the black smoke, with the growling engines drowned out, from the loader explosions.
The power plant behind them imploded in on its self with a loud roar, moments before.
The turbulence rocked the thunder hawk violently, the pilots battled for control, from the rocking and rattling against the hull.
One of the other thunder hawks became engulfed by the dark clouds spreading across the sky, covering the new daylight over like a blanket, with darkness once again claiming the city of Volcane.
The smell of sulphur filled the air, choking hundreds of the chaos followers, cultists and even the chaos space marine Night Lords.
The atmosphere became so un-breathable it began killing those on the ground advancing towards the bridge.
Followed by the violence of the ground shaking, tearing itself apart then crumbling into fountains of rubble followed by the toppling of the buildings that still stood from the Night lord’s invasion.
The sky filled up with black smoke, and then followed by an even louder explosion the volcano erupted in a roar of more dark grey clouds, forming a giant mushroom, before falling back down, setting the scene as if it were snowing.
The explosions took mere seconds to spread through the city in all directions.
The Night Lords were brought to a stand still, moments before they were tossed up high into the city, killing most of them instantly whilst the flames spread through the streets, ripping the tanks open before the strong violent winds picked them up, throwing them into the last of the buildings.
All traces of the sky became covered out from the darkness, the Magma blew twenty five cubic kilometres, carried away with the ash, floating down like snow covering everywhere in a grey ash.
The magnetic explosions began bringing everything electrical to a stand still, including the last thunderhawk trying hard to battle the winds.
The Salamander space marines sat in its cockpit watched the winds carry them to their deaths, smashing the thunder hawk into the streets below in a ball of explosions.

Lieutenant Tyde stood on top of one of the Leman Russ battle tanks watching the cliffs from Volcane crumble into large balls of rock, then slam into the violently rocking water below.
He watched the dark cloud cover Volcane in a blanket of flames, and grey ash, floating across the river, trying to set like a layer of snow.
His Cadian guardsmen stood watching the bridge rock side to side, creaking with every motion, before the centre gave way, and cracked, snapping the bridge into two, like a twig, then fall apart crumbling into the thrashing waves of the river.
Tyde opened his eyes wide at the mere sight of the circularised explosions, heading towards him and his guardsmen.
Knowing that this was it, this was his end he turned his back to the fast approaching cloud, closing his eyes the moment if engulfed him and his men, seconds before the flames followed.

Quornas, Korde and Captain Volorie, stood behind the pilots in the cockpit of the thunder hawk, watching the last of the Salamanders thunder hawks try to catch up to them.

The pilots of the last thunder hawk, ran the fingers across the consoles desperately, trying to battle for control, from the turbulence, rocking them about.
The cockpit window cracked, then shattered in a shower of broken fragments, covering the pilot, and co-pilot in glass, dancing off their armour, and splitting into their bare faces.
Both marines lost control of the thunder hawk, protecting their eyes and face’s, using their arms to shield them from the glass shower, and smoke now filling the cockpit, forcing the vessel down crashing violently, into the ground tearing up the soil before rolling upwards then back down into a ball of flames, over the ground were Lieutenant Tyde and his men once stood.

[Hulls Raven]

Chapter 7


Syakotus stood along in the darkness that surrounded him watching the glowing sphere as it lit up the corners of the walls. Slowly Syakotus walked towards the sphere with both his hands firmly gripping the long handle of his Power Sword, a slight humming buzzed from the sword whilst Syakotus held it forwards towards the glowing green sphere. “Why do you taunt me.â€￾ he said out loud.
Taunt you, I do not taunt you.
“What are you who are you?â€￾ Syakotus asked while slowly approaching the sphere.
You know what I am. You know who I am.
Syakotus raised his Power Sword and began to lunge the blade towards the sphere, suddenly the blade was gone. With the shock of the Sword disappearing from his tight grip Syakotus fell forwards placing his left hand on the glowing sphere he looked down on his armour as he began to glow green with the sphere.
Come to me.


***

Quornas stood from the bridge of the Caislean Oir, watching the stars turn into long streams of white arrows.
Covered in a shadow of darkness, hiding out most of his features, yet still revealing his face, old as it was, his eyes stared into the night that surrounded them.
A light from the doorway behind him shone across the black metallic of his armour, as it opened, with apothecary Lenthos stepping onto the bridge, his armour was shiny white, yet both his fists retained the Crimson colour of the chapter.
Quornas turned to face the apothecary, looking him square on in the face. “Well.â€￾ He asked.
Lenthos bowed before speaking. “He will live.â€￾
“But.â€￾
“His left eye will have to be replaced, as will that of his right arm. The wounds were to grave for his mortal flesh to heal them. His other wounds still need serious amounts of treatment. But he will live.â€￾
“Of all our loses today, at least our Captain will not be one of them.â€￾ Murmured Quornas
“Who will lead the fifth company in his absence?â€￾ Lenthos asked.
“Sergeant Korde will he is the senior sergeant.â€￾
Quornas turned back to stare at the stars. “When chapter master Pedro Kantor hears of his deeds today. The deed of bringing down the city of Volcane and a chaos lord himself. He will be honoured.â€￾

***

Deep in the medical bay of the Caislean Oir stood Grailin, watching over the unconscious body of Syakotus. The Captain lay on a medical bed hooked up to wires running in his left eye socket, and into his right shoulder were his right arm once was. The medical bay was covered in a blanket of darkness with only the red dots from the life support consol at Syakotus’s side. Grailin leaned forwards his eyes glowing in a dim yellow through the dark shadows. He watched his Captain and the bio reader monitor hooked up to his head, which read his brain activity. The reader was bleeping erratically as though something else was inside Syakotus’s body. Grailin placed his left hand palm down on Syakotus’s forehead.
“Strange you appear to be dreaming. Hmmm, Astartes do not dream.â€￾ Grailin muttered to himself.
Slowly he hovered his hand over Syakotus’s face and back to his forehead.
“I sense evil.â€￾


To Be Continued.
Crimson Fist III : Skin Of Evil

[IBBoard]

Chapters three and four are up on the site. I'll try to get five, six and seven done by the end of the weekend.

If there's any changes you want to the synopsis or the text, just yell.

[Hulls Raven]

Just seen them thanks.
Everything is fine.


Thanks once again.

I'll start to put up Crimson Fist III : Skin Of Evil. At Some point.

Thanks.




~Raven.

[IBBoard]

Chapter five is up on the Volcane.html page - I'll try to make a start on six.

[edit] part of chapter 6 is done. I'll try to get the rest completed soon. There are a lot of similar errors, some of which could probably be fixed with a spellchecker. Be careful of using 's (possessive) when you mean to pluralise things, the ship is a Thunderhawk, directed speech and attributation are mentioned in the sticky, and try to keep sentences short where possible

[Hulls Raven]

I'll try to remember thanks.


~Raven.

[IBBoard]

Chapter 6 is done now - more of the same really. It needs some feedback and rewriting in places where I couldn't work out how to best rephrase a long and meandering sentence without making it my work.

I'll try to get chapter 7 done soon.

[IBBoard]

Hulls Raven: I'm still waiting for your feedback on chapters 5 and 6. Once that's sorted I'll work on chapter 7 and the third story