Chaos Daemons Blood Lines 1st Chapter

[steven_shadows]

I hope you guys will like this one. It took me two days to come up with this idea because I lost the work I did on the other story for Warhammer 40k.


Warhammer: Chaos Daemons’ Blood Lines
Chapter One: The Mutation
By Steven John Schultz



The night seems quiet for Lord Gabriel Knightly and his brigade. Lord Gabriel knew of his sons’ demise at the hands of a Chaos Lord named Sin Charles. Lord Gabriel wore a leather suit to protect his skin and wore a heavier plated armor around his body that covered the leather suit. This red plated armor protected him from the onslaught of a regiment of Chaos Warriors that were trying to attack the village of Kilna where he seen the death of his son.


Gabriel, with five Horseman regiments, with his horse galloped towards his wife that is crying for her husband to stay. “I want you to stay my husband,” said the wife. “I can’t and you know that,” said Gabriel.

“Why not?” asked the wife. “I have known that the Chaos Armies are attacking Bretonnia villages for a reason and I knew that I have to see that my son has been murdered,” said Gabriel. “No, he was not murdered he walked away from the battle to be with his real father,” said the wife. “What do you meant I seen it with my own eyes that he died,” said Gabriel. “That was just an illusion of the Chaos Lord that used your mind to see that he died, but in my vision he walked with the Chaos Lord,” said the wife. “Are you sure?” asked Gabriel. “Yes, and now that he is gone make sure that I am able to bear this child with you at my side,” said the wife. “What child?” asked Gabriel. “I am pregnant,” said the wife.


Gabriel looked at one of his horsemen captains and said, “go after my son and take him back to me he needs to know that I am not happy with his turning decisions against us.” “Yes sire I will go after him with all of the horsemen that we have that will attack and purge the unclean,” said the leader. “Good then go,” said Gabriel. The five regiments galloped fast towards the entrance of the forest.


Gabriel looked at his remaining units of peasants and learned that they were going to their homes. “Soon rest up then come back out,” said Gabriel. “Why sire?” asked a peasant. “So we can help the Questing Knights out,” said Gabriel. “Good then we will be ready,” said a red clothed peasant.


Gabriel looked around to see everyone inside their homes and his wife is inside their home.








At the castle of Chaos...


Lord Sin Charles walked with his son named Dejan. “Dejan you should be careful next time to realize that I had to come out of hiding to see you,” said Sin Charles. “Father you should realized that I wanted to see you,” said Dejan. Dejan seen the scary look of his fathers and seen that his hand was mutating. “What have you done to me?” asked Dejan. “I am doing something that I should have done in twenty years ago my son,” said Sin Charles. “What a sorcerer is doing this to me,” said Dejan. Dejan looked at the Chaos Sorcerer and soon realized that his body mutated into a Bloodletter. Dejan, with his red skinned body and horns, asked, “sire what shall I do for you?” “Kill all of my enemies,” said Sin Charles.

“Yes I will father,” said the Bloodletter. “Khorne will be pleased,” said the Chaos Sorcerer. “Yes he will be,” said Sin Charles.

The Bloodletter led five regiments of Bloodletters towards the forest area where the five Questing Knights were heading out from. “The Bloodletters are here,” said the Bretonnia leader. The horses were scared of the Daemons of the Bloodletters and were running away from the Questing Knights. A Questing Knight used his sword against a Bloodletter to attack its throat while the Bloodletter was bleeding to death, Gabriel came in with Peasants with their bows to shoot down the reinforcements of the sixth regiment of Furies coming in. “Soon I will have their heads,” said Gabriel. A Bloodletter looked at Gabriel with anger and took Gabriel to the ground with his claws. “I see father you are not mine no more,” said the Bloodletter. “I see this Bloodletter talking to me, you were my son,” said Gabriel, “but not anymore.” Gabriel took up his sword of Lightning and cut off the arm of the Bloodletter. The Bloodletter yelled out to his troops, “go to the castle retreat.” “There are no one left, but yourself,” said Gabriel. Gabriel looked at the Bloodletter and seen him vanish out of his sight. “Well I guess that he is gone,” said Gabriel

“Why did you came for Lord Gabriel?” asked a Questing Knight leader. “I am here to help you guys out if you guys did not have the upper hand I had to come by and help,” said Gabriel. “Thanks,” said the Questing Knight Leader.
















After the fight back at the castle of Chaos...


“You have failed us,” said the Chaos Sorcerer. “I know Davis Spillblood,” said Dejan Bloodletter. “I will regenerate your left arm since it got cut off your body,” said the Chaos Sorcerer. “Thank you,” said the Bloodletter. The Bloodletter looked at his newly fresh fleshed arm and hand. “We have impressive ally in our midst,” said Sin Charles. “Who is that my lord?” asked the Chaos Sorcerer. “The Dark Elves,” answered Sin Charles. “What did they bring us for units?” asked Chaos Sorcerer. “The Dark Elf Executioners,” said Sin Charles. “How many of them?” asked Dejan Bloodletter. “About seventeen regiments,” said Sin Charles. “That is a whole army of them,” said Gabriel. Gabriel walked into the throne room. “Gabriel brother you are here why?” asked Sin Charles. “Sin Charles is your name now I see now you are corrupted like the others,” said Gabriel. Gabriel looked at the Chaos Sorcerer and seen that he had a staff of chaos to feed off the souls of his enemies.


“Soon I will have the power to destroy you father,” said Dejan. “No you won’t destroy me,” said Gabriel. Dejan ran across the room with full speed and attack with a slash of his claws to the face of Gabriel. “Soon I will destroy you son,” said Gabriel. “Dejan is not your son, he is mine,” said Sin Charles. “I married the mother so he is my son as well,” said Gabriel. “From the Lady of the Lake?” asked Chaos Sorcerer. “Don’t worry about it just fight him,” said Sin Charles. “Yes Lord I will as you do please,” said Chaos Sorcerer. The Chaos Sorcerer used his Doombolt towards Gabriel. Gabriel dodged it with his arms holding Dejan that side step and ran towards the Chaos Sorcerer with fast speed to get out of the way of the Doombolts. “I see you are a coward,” said Gabriel. Gabriel spitting blood out off his mouth. “Soon you will be knowing the truth about your other son,” said Sin Charles. “What do you meant by that?” asked Gabriel. “Shut up just kill,” said Davis. “Yes we shall,” said Sin Charles.


Sin Charles walked with an axe towards Gabriel and slashed his arm off. “Aagh!!” yelled out Gabriel. Gabriel bled on the ground and said, “after I will come back to defeat you and I will kill all of you.” Gabriel with his body still on the ground, he died. “Hah that is it of Gabriel,” said Sin Charles. “Yes sire we have a glorious day today,” said Davis Spillblood.











The Questing Knights returned to the Kilna village to tell the wife of Gabriel’s that he is dead. “Who is dead?” asked the wife. “Alicia your new husband has been defeated in a battle,” answered the Questing Knight Leader. “I have forewarned him about going into that castle,” said Alicia. “I see then he is dead now because he had a vengeance against his own family line,” said the Questing Knight Leader. “How did you knew that?” asked Alicia. “He is my best friend and he told me that he will be dead after facing his brother and his own step son,” said Dave. Dave looked at the Horses and rode on one to go towards the Red Castle of Bretonnia.


“We have to do something my lady,” said the female peasant. “Like what?” asked Alicia. “To go to the lake of where the moon god is resting,” said the female peasant. “Why?” asked Alicia. “Well before you give birth to your son you have to drink the water of the lake to awaken the moon god,” said the female peasant.


Alicia and her peasant guardian walked towards a path that led to the forest of the moon. During their walk they found a near dead and blind Minotaur that was bleeding to death from a battle. “I can hear that you are not from here,” said the Minotaur. “Yes we are going to see the moon god,” said the female peasant. “I know the moon god, but I don’t think that it is wise to see him right now,” said the Minotaur. “Why is that?” asked Alicia. “He is battling a Skaven army right now,” said the Minotaur. “Skaven?” asked the female. “Yes and now that he is battling them they were battling me and I was protecting him,” said the Minotaur. “You are blue furred and red eyed Minotaur why?” asked Alicia.


“It is the conversion of me being his guardian, but now that I have failed him he wanted me to get help,” said the Minotaur. “I know a few groups of horsemen that can help,” said the female. “Then go and get them,” commanded Alicia. “Yes mistress,” said the female. “Ah you are pregnant,” said the Minotaur. “Yes I am,” answered Alicia. “I am here to find you he wants to awaken his sleeping powers to help fight off the Skaven that did this to me,” said the Minotaur. The Minotaur pointed to his scared head of his. “I see it is a fresh wound I can heal that,” said Alicia. “No only the powers of the moon can help me not you,” said the Minotaur.


“Then you are the Moon Creatures that I learned long ago,” said the female. “I see you still here go along now,” said the Minotaur. “Yes, but I have a few questions for my lady here, then I will be on my way,” said the female. “Yes what is it?” asked Alicia. Alicia talked to her female companion. “You can trust him he is a good guy,” said the female. “I think that the moon god will have me for a wife you think?” asked Alicia. “Yes maybe,” said the Minotaur. “Hey don’t come in to our conversation,” said the female. “Hey while you two were talking I heard that a noise from the lake that the moon god is wounded badly hurry up and get those horsemen,” said the Moon Minotaur. “Yes sir,” said the female. The female left on her horse. “What can I ride on?” asked Alicia. “You can hop on my back,” said the Moon Minotaur, “but be careful of my horns on my back.” “Yes I can hang on to those while you carry me,” said Alicia.


Alicia got on top of the three horns of the Minotaur’s back and found out that he ran fast towards the exit of the path that led towards the lake.


“There it is the Moon Lake of the God,” said the Moon Minotaur. “I see that all of the Skaven are dead,” said Alicia. “Yes they are,” said the Moon God, “Davian Trazzer is my name and who are you?” “My name is Alicia and I am the wife of the fallen Bretonnian General named Gabriel,” answered Alicia. Alicia looked at the god with knowing that he is a giant in size. “I see that you brought the body guard of mine thank you now I can heal him since the Skaven are gone now,” said Davian Trazzer. Davian looked at Alicia with his big eyes that were deep blue filled color that allowed him to see that Alicia was used to be a Bretonnian General. “It would be wonderful if you would stay,” said Davian. “I have known that I can help awaken all of your powers,” said Alicia. “Not all of mine,” said Davian. “Why not?” asked Alicia. “Well because I have a power that can stop mutation,” answered Davian. “It would seem that you are the one that can heal my oldest son,” said Alicia. “How about the one you will give birth to?” asked Davian. “What?” asked Alicia, “do you meant by that?” “I have the feeling you are a Chaos lover,” said Davian. “No I have not been a Chaos lover for a long time and before that I was in love with Gabriel’s brother named Sin Charles,” said Alicia. “It would seem that you are the one after all that will bring death and despair unto the land of Moon,” said Davian. Davian looked at Alicia to stare at her to bring her mutation to turn into a blue skinned human with red eyes. “I see now father you are the one that can give me everything that I need,” said Alicia. “And I have given you until five years to stay here,” said Davian. “Yes I will be here for you,” said Alicia.


The Moon God Davian looked at five trees to conjure up a Moon Dryad. This Moon Dryad had blue bark instead of brown and green eyes that shined from the moon’s powers. The five Moon Dryad walked towards Davian and had their eyes glowing to notice a spy coming in from the north. “Master Davian the Chaos is coming,” said a Moon Spy. “What kind of Chaos?” asked Davian. “They are outnumbering us five regiments to two right now,” said the Moon Spy. “I see then they are the Chaos Daemons that have been mutated by the Sorcerer,” said Alicia. “Yes my Priestess his is the one that mutates them,” said Davian. Davian knew of the destructive force of the Chaos Daemons powers that were destroying the trees while they were looking for Alicia.


The Furies and the Bloodletters knew that they were on her trail by tracking down the footsteps of the bleeding female servant of Alicia’s.

[IBBoard]

Oh dear, I'm sorry you lost your other work.

It's an interesting start to a story, although it took me a few paragraphs to settle and work out the setting (WH or 40K and then where in WH). I think the formatting causes a few problems as well - each line of speech should be its own line, and paragraphs shouldn't split up speech. If you sort that then it should be easier for a reader and stop the confusion of who is talking.

Other than that then I'd just say that you might need to watch out with your grammar. There are a few places where the tenses are wrong or where missing/wrong punctuation makes it hard to read. Also, be careful with speed - there are a couple of sentences that aren't quite fitting for knightly characters, but are probably more suited to modern usage and colloquialisms.

I'll be interested to see where you're going from here.

[steven_shadows]

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Thank you for telling me what I need to improve on and that it is an interesting start to a story. I will do a better job doing the second chapter with the sentences when the people are talking and to do better with my grammar.

[steven_shadows]

Warhammer: Chaos Daemons Blood Lines
Chapter Two: The Birth of a Chaos Lord
By Steven John Schultz



Davian seen five Furies coming towards him to slash at him, but he instead of being slashed, he cut their heads off with his Crescent Blade with his left hand. This Crescent Blade went through the skulls of the Furies and Alicia watched her new god destroying her old people. The Crescent Blade is a shaped moon blade that sparkled through the sword’s handle that gave him powers to kill the Furies.

“Why destroying my people?” asked Alicia.
“I see that they were your people when you had them,” said Davian.
“Yes, and now that I am part yours I do remember that they were just mutants slaved by the powers of darkness,” said Alicia.


A Chaos Champion walked towards the Moon God Davian and seen the destruction of his Furies. This Chaos Champion of Nurgle had green plated armored body with no helmet and had a large horn on its shoulder.

“I see the light of the Moon God and now I came to destroy it,” said the Chaos Champion of Nurgle. “I will never allow you to destroy me,” said Davian. The Chaos Champion of Nurgle walked towards even more to wield his sword against the Moon God cornering him towards the pit behind him.

“So where are you going with this?” asked Davian.
“My Lord are you okay?” asked Alicia.
“Don’t worry about me priestess, go and run away from here,” said Davian.
“Let me go,” said Alicia.

Alicia with the Moon Minotaur that grabbed her from her behind to run fast against the Four Regiments of the Furies, ran fast to a castle of the Empire.


“I see they are coming to destroy the Moon God,” said the Moon Minotaur.
“Yes he is going to die is he not?” asked Alicia.
“Not really if he can muster out more Moon Minotaur and some Moon Elves,” said Moon Minotaur.
“I can sense that he can do that,” said Alicia.
“Yes and he can be more then a giant as well,” said the Moon Minotaur.
“I see that he is the one that has the power I need to get my baby out of me,” said Alicia.
“Well I guess that its happening now anyways is it not?” asked the Moon Minotaur.
“Yes, but born with dark energies of the Chaos,” said Alicia.
“Great we are like out of the forest now and into the Empire’s Castle,” said Moon Minotaur.



The Moon Minotaur looked at one of the Human Archer Scouts and said, “please take care of her I have to find my Lord if he is okay or not.”

“It would be costing you a lot to fight for freedom Moon Minotaur,” said the Archer Scout. “Yes, and now that the Chaos are fighting my lord I have to get back to him before its too late,” said the Moon Minotaur.

The Moon Minotaur put Alicia with a male Archer scout and ran fast towards the opening of the forest to reach to his lord. Moon Minotaur had his large horned Sword out of his back sword holder to carry to see if he needed it . Moon Minotaur ran fast inside the forest. He had his sword in hand and found Davian bleeding to death on the ground.


“No!!” yelled out Moon Minotaur.
“Don’t worry my guardian,” said Davian, “I have a gift for you.”

Davian handed over his powers to the Moon Minotaur by using his hand to reach towards the chest of the Moon Minotaur.

“Yes I have the powers now, but lord why?” asked Moon Minotaur.
“I am dying and now that you are the one that will carry the honor of the Moon God.”
“Yes sire I will do as you so please.”

An ambush of Skaven came out from the pit behind them. The seven regiments of the Skaven took the Moon Giant to the pit and ate him apart.

“Now its you and me now,” said Chaos Champion of Nurgle.
“I see that I have to fight now,” said the Moon Minotaur.

The Chaos Champion of Nurgle did not look like that he was damaged at all and went fast towards the Moon Minotaur. The Moon Minotaur had his sword ready while the Chaos Champion had his sword readying in his hand. Moon Minotaur had his sword clash with his enemy and sparks were flying out of the two swords. The energy of the two were powerfully great and that they were broken out of the hands of the two warring ones.

“I see Moon Minotaur that you took out my favorite weapon.”
“I know that I did and now you will be gone from this existence.”
The Moon Minotaur had his back turned towards the Chaos Champion.

“I see that you are running away scared.”
“No I am not.”
“Then what are you doing.”
“Powering up for my new attack.”

The Moon Minotaur used his new moon powers to absorb enough moon energy that went through his body since it is a full moon out at night.

“I see you glowing with light!! What is going on?”

The five horns on the back of the Moon Minotaur were glowing with energy and blasted the Chaos Champion into dust particles by a chemical reaction that made his body armor to be dust particles.


Later on in the castle of the Empire....


“Merchant come quietly I think she is having her baby now,” said the Archer Scout.
“Well I guess that the baby is adorable,” said the Merchant.
“I am crying the baby is bleeding help it,” said Alicia.
“I see that,” said the Archer Scout.
“Good then now he is clothed,” said the Merchant.

The Merchant used his cloth to wrap the baby up.

“The baby is going to grown into the finest Empire man I can see,” said the Archer Scout.
“No he is not,” said Alicia.
“Well then a Bretonnian then,” said the Archer Scout.

A group of Marauders of Chaos walking out of the North Region made an explosion at the gates of the castle.

“Oh no they are coming for the baby,” said Alicia.
“For the baby. Why?” asked the Archer Scout.
“I have a Chaos son,” said Alicia.
“Oh no why?” asked the Merchant.
“Well I think I know why,” said Dave.
“Dave you are here,” said Alicia.
“Relax Alicia I am here, but the Marauders are not the only ones have their sights on the chosen one.”

Dave came closer to Alicia and showed that his face is mutated by Khorne.

“Where are the two Empire’s men?” asked Alicia.
“I killed them,” said Dave.

Dave with his claws of a Fury he swooped down and grabbed the baby with its hands.

“Don’t take him away!!” yelled out Alicia.

Dave then ran out of the window of the room to fly away with the baby on its arms.

“The castle is overrun by the Chaos,” said a man.
“I guess then I will die knowing that I am blind,” said Alicia.
“I can help you, but now this is not the time. I will vanish you to my region,” said the man.


The man touched Alicia’s arm to vanish her with a magical spell to bring her to a region known as the Southern Region that is situated below of the Bretonnia Border.


A Marauder walked up towards the man and said, “where is she?”
“She is not here,” said the Dark Elf.

The male Dark Elf wore a black armored body suit and had a staff of dark powers.

“So you are here,” said Sin Charles.
“Yes I am and now that I must be going now so I can rip her to threads of flesh to feed my dragons,” said the Dark Elf.
“You have not better mess with my wife,” said Sin Charles.
“She is your wife? She is blind now and so I vanished her to my region,” said Dark Elf.
“What region and where did you put her?” asked Sin Charles.
“Well it is in the western region of here just a few hundred miles,” said Dark Elf.
“Good then I better get her back,” said Sin Charles.
“The baby is gone though,” said Dark Elf.
“I am aware of that, I have my son,” said Sin Charles.

“Oh that flying shape shifter grabbed him,” said Dark Elf.
“Yes and that means that you will never have him,” said Sin Charles.

Sin Charles used his Chaos Blade to swing against the Dark Elf Dreadlord to slash his head, but missed while seeing that the Dreadlord has vanished.